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November 28th, 2012 (morning)

This girl is skipping days…dont worry shes not doing it on purpose. Its the end of the term and Shes been ither busy or busy or sleeping. Its been a tiresome week and its only Wednesday. Did i spell that right? Unimportant.
Alina has a hard time talking about herself, excepting compliments and looking in the mirror.
Yesterday she spent all night in the arms of a beautiful girl and lied when she got home. She told her mom that she went to an Asian girl’s house and they fed her octapusses. Or octapi?
Its 7:13am. Im sitting on the bathroom counter and im letting you know that i love you and im doing great.
Happy Wednesday!

October 8th, 2012

“How was your day today Alina?”

“It sucked.”

“Why?” 

“Because I never got to see you.”

My day consisted of changes. I changed my clothes, my text book cover, and my corky pin-up board. Change is good. Most people find change difficult and overwhelming, so do I. Letting go of that grade seven zombie poster was, believe me, painful. Depends on how you look at it. Change is a thing, not a person. It cant be good or bad. Things are things.

I’ve realized that i constantly need to have control of everything. Every item in my room is in its place for a reason. If it suddenly disappears, i loose it. For example my green stone necklace shaped into a tooth, I let it slip my attention last night. Not knowing where it was I ran around the house, flipping everything and bitching out everyone in my way. When I finally discovered it, it was like all of the weight off of my shoulders. You’ve got pretty bad OCD that you’re scared of admitting. More and more you fear ending up like your mother. Are kids scared of ending up like their parents? Does it make me a bad person to say that I am? Alright Alina, lets think the through.

Your parents raised you. With all the love and all of the care. Yes, they were mean at times, but you would’ve been a little spoiled slut if they they weren’t  You grew up big, and now at 16 years of age you think for yourself. You take on responsibility and take pride in what you are. That is unknown to you for now, but pride is good. You’ve got hands and feet and a body and very big heart. Some disorders  perhaps related to your constant banging of your head against a wall when you were little. What can I say, I was born a rebel. You are not afraid of sex, drugs or rock and roll. You can most defiantly cross the line and go further. I just think you grew up way too soon. Alright, I agree, cigarettes at the age of 7 was a bit too much…You’re a natural rebel, but not like Carmello. He is no match for you. You are one of a kind. 

Well, your parents try to remove the cause but not the symptom.

Its 6:00pm. You are missing. You are sitting. Your grade one picture seems a million years ago. What the fuck was I doing, smoking all of those buts off of streets. Even at that age you were independent  The only thing that made me so vulnerable at that age was my height. I climbed to the tops of the highest trees, and crushed nuts with rocks. What was I thinking…?? 

Somewhere, I hope my daddy is proud. 

That is all. Tea.

-Alina